Saturday, March 24, 2012

Hysterical

YOU CAN'T HELP BUT LAUGH.

Kulula is an Airline with head office situated in Johannesburg . Kulula airline attendants make an effort to make the in-flight "safety lecture" and announcements a bit more entertaining. 

Here are some real examples that have been heard or reported:

On a Kulula flight, (there is no assigned seating, you just sit where you want) passengers were apparently having a hard time choosing, when a flight attendant announced, "People, people we're not picking out furniture here, find a seat and get in it

On another flight with a very "senior" flight attendant crew, the pilot said,
"Ladies and gentlemen, we've reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendant

On landing, the stewardess said, "Please be sure to take all of your belongings.. If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have.

"There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane

"Thank you for flying Kulula. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride

As the plane landed and was coming to a stop at Durban Airport , a lone voice came over the loudspeaker: "Whoa, big fella. WHOA

After a particularly rough landing during thunderstorms in the Karoo , a flight attendant on a flight announced, "Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, sure as hell everything has shifted."

From a Kulula employee:
"Welcome aboard Kulula 271 to Port Elizabeth . To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don't know how to operate one, you probably shouldn't be out in public unsupervised."
"In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favorite."

"Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we'll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you, and remember, nobody loves you, or your money, more than Kulula Airlines."

"Your seats cushions can be used for flotation; and in the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments."

"As you exit the plane, make sure to gather all of your belongings. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. Please do not leave children or spouses.."

And from the pilot during his welcome message:
"Kulula Airlines is pleased to announce that we have some of the best flight attendants in the industry. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!"

Kulula 255 just after a very hard landing in Cape Town : The flight attendant came on the intercom and said, "That was quite a bump and I know what y'all are thinking. I'm here to tell you it wasn't the airline's fault, it wasn't the pilot's fault, it wasn't the flight attendant's fault, it was the asphalt."

Overheard on a Kulula flight into Cape Town , on a particularly windy and bumpy day: During the final approach, the Captain really had to fight it. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to The Mother City. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate!

Another flight attendant's comment on a less than perfect landing: "We ask you to please remain seated as Captain Kangaroo bounces us to the termina

An airline pilot wrote that on this particular flight he had hammered his ship into the runway really hard. The airline had a policy which required the first officer to stand at the door while the passengers exited, smile, and give them a "Thanks for flying our airline". He said that, in light of his bad landing, he had a hard time looking the passengers in the eye, thinking that someone would have a smart comment. Finally everyone had gotten off except for a little old lady walking with a cane. She said,
"Sir, do you mind if I ask you a question?"
"Why, no Ma'am," said the pilot. "What is it?"
The little old lady said,
"Did we land, or were we shot down?"

After a real crusher of a landing in Johannesburg , the attendant came on with,
"Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. And, once the tire smoke has cleared and the warning bells are silenced, we will open the door and you can pick your way through the wreckage to the terminal.."

Part of a flight attendant's arrival announcement:
"We'd like to thank you folks for flying with us today.. And, the next time you get the insane urge to go blasting through the skies in a pressurized metal tube, we hope you'll think of Kulula Airways."

Heard on a Kulula flight:
"Ladies and gentlemen, if you wish to smoke, the smoking section on this airplane is on the wing.. If you can light 'em, you can smoke 'em."


WHAT A PITY KULULA DOESN'T FLY INTERN ATIONALLY - SOUTHWEST AIRLINES USED TO BE THIS WAY - HAVEN"T NOTICED IT LATELY.



Hope you laugh as much as I did.  What great humor.  


See You Later


20 comments:

  1. I laughed all the way through this! Absolutely hilarious! How much fun would it be to do that job :) On a more serious note, I think humour like this is very similar to 'the personal touch' which would endear potential customers to them and encourage those to come back. Well, except maybe if you didn't like bumpy landings eh :)

    Dee x

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    1. I laughed too, many times. I think it would even help bumpy landings.



      Sunny Girl

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  2. We have an airline like this in Canada called Westjet whose attendants do the same thing. Even when you call their customer service line you get options like, "press 4 if you would like to speak to an agent... sorry, that's a dead number but keep waiting on line and we'll see if she's out of the washroom yet". Not the exact wording but the airline is known now for quips like that and would totally say the ones the South African line was using! LOL

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    1. I would love Westjet then. A sense of humor is the best medicine.


      Sunny Girl

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  3. "Whoa, big fella" is my favourite.

    There used to be a reality show about Southwest Airlines. It was excellent, and often funny.

    Hugs,
    Hermione

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    1. So many of them tickle me, I can't pick a favorite.




      Sunny Girl

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  4. OMG, still ROFLMAO!!!! pick your favorite kid, Haahaahaaa!!!!

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    1. Me too. It is toooo funny



      Sunny Girl

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  5. This sort of stuff does happen on Westjet and I also remember it from Southwest but you're right, not so much in the last couple years. So funny! Thanks for the Friday chuckles sunnygirl!

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    1. Glad you enjoyed, I know I did.




      Sunny Girl

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  6. this was soooooo funny! I laughed all the way through it, although I think my favorite was the one about if you don't know how to operate a seatbelt you shouldnt be out in public. Great post. :)

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    1. And don't you just agree with that.



      Sunny Girl

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  7. Oh SG, thanks for the laugh. All funny.

    Love,
    Ronnie
    xx

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    1. I laughed out loud too for a long time. Even know one of them will go flitting through my head and I laugh all over again.



      Sunny Girl

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  8. Loved these, had to read them to Nick!
    Hugs,
    PK

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    1. Hubby got the original email and he was laughing so hard he couldn't even talk. In addition to the verbage there are pictures of the plane. They too are so funny but I wasn't able to get them to come over to the blog.

      Glad that Nick liked too.

      Sunny Girl

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  9. This is the kind of sense of humor I love. Thanks for sharing

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    1. Me too. Just love a good sense of humor.


      Sunny Girl

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  10. Lol, sunnygirl! Thanks for sharing.

    Love,
    Kitty

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  11. They are a hoot aren't they. I love a good sense of humor.




    Sunny Girl

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