Monday, August 12, 2013

The Ultimatum

Ellie had quit her old job because she was bored to tears.  It wasn’t a bad job just full of office politics that was making her sick every day.  She would come home with a pounding headache until the afternoon when she just lost it.  Sean was not happy with her decision. He kept lecturing her with statements like what would happen if I just decided one day I didn’t like my job and quit and on and on.  He told her she was nothing but a spoiled little princess.  She told him she could find another job in a heartbeat.  He wasn’t so sure.  The economy was in a downturn and most places weren’t hiring.

Ellie really did try to find a job.  She called a couple of friends, networked and although she wasn’t pounding the pavement she was trying.  She knew Sean was upset because they were saving her income to use as a down payment on a house. He thought she was being very cavalier about finding another job and the day he came home and found her drinking a glass of wine and watching television, he went ballistic.  He gave her an ultimatum that if she didn’t find a job within two weeks he would spank her every day thereafter until she was working again.

With that threat firmly in mind, Ellie stepped up her efforts and saw an interesting ad on Craig’s List.  It was for a phone actress. She had no idea what that was about but decided to apply.  A few days later she got a call to come in for an interview.  When she got to the address, it was nothing more than a seedy looking storefront but she went in anyway.  She introduced herself to the lady in the front and was immediately told to take a seat.  A few minutes later, a couple came out.   They both seemed to be in their 40’s and looked like they just stepped out of a Norman Rockwell painting.  They introduced themselves and said they would be interviewing her together.  They handed her a sheet of paper and asked her to read the words.  She was shocked at what she saw.  Apparently, it showed on her face because the woman asked if there was a problem.  No, she said and began reading the phrases.  When she was finished, the man asked her to read them again and to pretend she was on the phone and the person on the other end was telling her things to which she was responding. 

“What kind of job is this anyway.  The ad said it was a phone actress. Just exactly what is that?”

The woman said it was a sex call in line.  They were a twenty four hour service and had three operators on each shift.  One of the operators was quitting and they were looking for a replacement.

“I don’t think this will be a good fit for me.  My husband would have a stroke”

“This is a reputable company.  We have been in business for over ten years.  You are given a false phone identity which is kept secret.  Your voice has the timbre that could make you very successful at this if you get over your embarrassment. The benefits and hours are excellent and it could be very lucrative for you once you establish a clientele”
“Establish a clientele, what does that mean?”

“Well, when calls come in you use that false identity.  If you perform the way we think you are capable of the next time the caller calls he will ask for you.  You build up your client list and you could be clearing $1000 a week.”

“Are there really that many wierdos out there”?

“They’re not all wierdos, some of them are just lonely, others just need a thrill outside of the norm but we don’t make distinctions here.  We just perform a service.  If you’re interested you could start on Monday.  The available shift is from 9 to 5.  It is not the most lucrative shift but we will start you out at $300 a week and see how it goes.  How does that sound to you?”

Ellie thought about it for a moment and decided what did she have to lose.  She would tell Sean it was telephone sales and not divulge any more information unless he asked. Okay it’s more like a sin of omission than a lie, wasn’t it. She knew Sean would consider it a lie and she would be punished if he found out but reasoned that at least she had a job within the deadline.

When Sean came home that evening she told him she had found a job.  She would start off at $300 a week with the possibility of making more once she started making sales.  He congratulated her and didn’t ask any further questions other than where it was and what hours would she be working.  Whew, she thought, I really dodged a bullet and considered that she had just made her first sale.

At the end of her first week she had three names on her client list.  Her employers were very pleased with her and gave her another identity and gave her more scripts to use.  By the end of the first month she was one of their top sales people on the day and afternoon shift.  They increased her salary to $500 plus a percentage of her client referrals. She decided not to tell Sean about the salary increase just yet. She would just put the extra money is a savings account and surprise him. 

Her employers were right.  She was very good at her job and was making great money.  The savings account was building steadily.  She even splurged now and again and was still adding at least $1500 to the savings account monthly.

Sean never really questioned her about her job, he was pleased she was working at something that seemed to make her happy.  She didn’t work overtime or weekends and never seemed to get behind in any of the household chores the way she had in her last job. As a matter of fact, he couldn’t remember the last time she had gotten in trouble for anything.  Her usual shenanigans were nowhere in sight. Life was really good.  Sean figured that if he got that promotion he was seeking, her salary and his new income would enable them to purchase the house of their dreams.

He came home early on Friday with the news of his promotion.  He gathered the mail out of the box and was leafing through it when he noticed the bank statement.  He thought it was funny that only Ellie’s name appeared in the window.  When he opened the statement he was shocked.  The account had over $10,000 in it.  Knowing this had to be a mistake he called the bank and was told they couldn’t give him any information because his name was not on the account.  He didn’t know what to think.  He knew he had a couple of hours before Ellie came home and decided to go for a run to clear his head. Thoughts of her leaving him were uppermost in his mind.  Why else would she have an account with this much money in her name alone?  As a matter of fact, where did she get this much money? After he had run about five miles, his head wasn’t any clearer than before.  He went home, took a shower and poured himself a glass of wine. 

Four glasses later, Ellie walked in the door.  She gave him a hello kiss and noticed the mail on the table.  She started leafing through the envelopes and saw the opened statement.  OMG, I am in so much trouble.  Sean looked at her and said:

“Okay, let’s have it Ellie.”

“I don’t know where to start” she said.

“The beginning is usually the best place to start”.

 “Remember when you told me I had to have a job in two weeks or I would get a spanking for every day after that I wasn’t employed.  Well I saw this job on Craig’s list, applied and got the job.

“Yes, I know all that, let’s move on” he said much more calmly than he felt.

“You know how I told you the job was telephone sales.  Well, it was and it wasn’t.  It was really as a phone actress. 
“Do you mean to tell me that you work for a sex hotline and spend all day talking to men about sex?”

“Yes” she answered and then he gave her the most unexpected response.  He began laughing and laughed until tears were rolling down his face.

“My prissy little wife talking dirty to men all day, that’s good, that’s very good.  Now tell me what this is really all about”

“Honey, I swear to you that’s it.  That’s what I do.  I am very good at my job.  I didn’t want to tell you how much money I was making because you would think something was fishy, so I just told you about the starting pay and the rest of it I put in this savings account. I figured if you found out what I was doing you would go ballistic”.

“Ellie, I have been thinking about this all afternoon and I don’t want to say or do the wrong thing so I want you to go upstairs and wait for me.  I will be up and we can discuss this further.

Ellie did as she was told.  She laid down on the bed wondering what he was going to do to her. She trusted him implicitly so it wasn’t a matter of trust but of how much trouble she was in.  She couldn’t believe he laughed when she told him.  Did that mean he didn’t think it was so bad?  She took a couple of aspirins and laid down.

She must have fallen asleep because she woke up feeling all fuzzy and then remembered why.  She was still alone and it was dark outside. The longer she laid in bed the more jumbled her thoughts.  It was really his fault she reasoned. If he hadn’t pressured her she would never have taken that job.

She got up and went to the bathroom and when she returned to the bedroom, Sean was sitting on the bed.  He motioned her to come to him.  She moved toward him with stone weights on her feet.  He sat her down next to him and told her how devastated he was when he opened that statement.  He told her his first thoughts were of her leaving him.

“Oh Sean I am so sorry.  I never even considered you would think that.  I love you.”

“I’ve spent the last couple of hours trying to come to some conclusions and this is what they are:

1. You lied to me and every day you went to that job was a continuation of that lie;

2. You knew I would never want my wife to be a sex hotline operator

3. You never talk dirty to me.

So here’s what is going to happen.  Monday morning you are going to quit your job, no notice, no nothing.  You are done.  Tonight we are going to celebrate my getting the promotion. Tomorrow we are going to start looking for our dream home because between my new income and your savings account we will more than qualify for the loan.  But before any of that I am going to put you over my lap and spank the devil out of you for lying to me all those months and for what you put me through this afternoon. When I am finished blistering your butt, and before I make mad passionate love to you I want you to pretend that I was your best client and I want you to talk dirty to me.  Understood?"

“Understood, Mr. Spanksalot”.