Romancing the Belt

Once again, I didn't post all week.  I always mean to and before you know it, the week is over.  Does anyone else have that problem?

Today, I'm praying for my Florida friends and family.  Irma is flexing her muscle and like Texas, it will be a while before they even approach normal. It's a devastating storm and the fact that it veered west at the last minute caused me great concern that many of those folks weren't as ready as they could be.It's been almost 100 years since a storm churned into Tampa and complacency sets in.  By the time you're reading this it will be in full force and I ask you to keep them in your thoughts and prayers.  

It's been a helluva week.  Texans are trying to recover from Harvey, Mexico has been hit by a tremendous earthquake and the western United States is aflame.  I know the weather in the rest of the world isn't great either and I don't know how 45 and the rest of those idiots can deny climate change.  I only know it's going to get worse unless we take the steps necessary.  After all, it's the only planet we have at the moment.

Enough, here's this week's story.

I’m sitting here watching my wife chase her tail and a cute little tail it is.   She has it in her head that we are going away for the weekend.  I know we’re not.  I just finished watching the news and the weatherman predicted heavy storms for the area.  Why would I want to drive into heavy storms and be stuck somewhere while if we stayed here I can sit back in my favorite chair and watch football?  Hell, we can see the changing colors of the leaves by looking out our window.

“Rod, what jeans will you be wearing?” I hear her call out from the bedroom.

“I’ll be wearing my sweat pants because we’re not going.”

“We are going. I’ve booked the best little Bed & Breakfast.  You should see the reviews.”

“What about the dog.”

“I’ve arranged a professional sitter - one that is going to stay the whole time, not just come in to feed and such.”

“That’ll cost too much.”

“Not as much as the last time when Bennie chewed through the cage at the boarding place, or when the neighbor came in to find that Bennie had taken revenge on the couch cushions.”

“Don’t remind me.  Keep the name for future reference.  Is there a cancellation fee?”

“We’re not canceling, so it doesn’t matter.”

“Jo-Anne, I told you we’re not going.”

‘Fine, maybe you’re not going, but I am.”

“I don’t think so.”

“Wanna bet.”

I knew better than to let things go any further.  When we got into these shouting matches, things always ended the same way.  I decided I’d nip this in the bud.  I went into the bedroom to see the suitcase all packed and ready to go.  There was only one thing missing – my belt.  I could still see it hanging on its peg in the closet. I doubled it up and came out with it folded over my hand.

“Now, do you want to continue this argument or do you want my belt to convince you.”

Jo-Anne looked deflated.  “You’re such an ass,” she told me and stomped out of the room.

I knew my threat would work.  Jo-Anne hated the thought of a belt spanking, a holdover from when she was a kid. I went back to the living room and settled back into my chair.  Sometime later, I realized everything was quiet.  I called to Jo-Anne and didn’t get an answer.  Getting up I practically stepped on Bennie who was next to me – that should have been my first clue.  I was Bennie’s second choice, if Jo-Anne was around, Bennie had no use for me.

I walked to the bedroom and saw the suitcase still on the bed, then walked to the kitchen and saw her phone sitting on the counter.  Thinking she must be outside, I opened the door to the garage and saw her car was gone.

“Well, I’ll be damned,” I said to myself.  I figured she’d be back in a bit and we would have a discussion about leaving without a note and without her phone.  When she hadn’t returned by dark, I began calling around.  No one had heard from or seen her.  Now I was worried – then it dawned on me.  I bet she went without me.  I rummaged around until I found the information on the Bed and Breakfast.  I called and sure enough. Jo-Anne Walters had checked in.  Since there weren’t phones in the room, they asked me if I wanted to leave a message.

“No message,” I said. 

Now I had to make a decision.  I wasn’t sure if I should drive up there or just wait until she returned home.  I decided to wait her out, otherwise, we’d have two cars.  Knowing she was safe settled my mind. 

I went to bed at my normal time and fell asleep.  I don’t know what time it was but Bennie jumping off the bed awakened me.  I heard noises but Bennie wasn’t barking.  ‘That’s strange.’ I said to myself.  I got up out of bed and went to check on things.  Much to my surprise, there was my wife in our kitchen.'

She took one look at me and came running toward me.  “I’m sorry.”

“Me, too.” I told her.  We’ll talk about it in the morning, let’s go to bed.”

I slept in later than usual the next morning.  When I awoke, I was alone in the bed but in Jo-Anne’s spot was my belt.  I rubbed my eyes because I thought I was seeing things. No, sure enough, there was my belt. 

I went to the bathroom and when I returned, Jo-Anne was there, belt in hand.  “Let’s get this over with,” she said.  I wasn’t ready for this and my heart wasn’t in it. I hesitated.

“You know I deserve to be punished.”

“I know, but the belt, are you sure?”

“Yes, I’m sure.”

“Okay, pull up your nightie and bend over the edge of the bed.”  Seeing her so vulnerable, I had to steel myself to raise my arm to strike that waiting bottom.  She winced as the strike landed, immediately leaving a red stripe.  Four stripes followed in quick succession and with each one she called out.  I couldn’t take anymore and I threw the belt down on the bed.

I took my sobbing wife into my arms and loved her back to ‘us’.

Lost in all the weather related issues of the week is that today is September 11th and to coin a phrase from FDR, 'it's a day that will live in infamy."  It was the day lives changed forever.  Join me in taking a moment to remember all those who perished on this day and to thank all the first responders for putting their life on the line in every disaster that occurs.

See you later for more Aimless Ramblings.