HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:
Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -- make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use wash cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Rinse off. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. ...Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:
Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice the water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire wiener size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, and light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.
I can't say all of this is true. I know hubby doesn't leave clothes in a pile on the floor (that's more likely to be me) and he doesn't do those things in the shower on the rare occasions we have showered together (it's got to be a pretty big shower for the both of us, he's all arms and legs) and we use body wash and not bars of soap so no hair left behind on soap. Hubby is also a bit OCD so he would notice the water on the floor and sop it up, would never leave the wet mat on the floor, would turn off the light and fan and not throw the wet towel on the bed.
So I guess very little of this is true of my hubby. How about yours? But it's funny to think about.
Tomorrow is story day. See you then for more Aimless Ramblings.
LoL Sunny, I'm the one with OCD so I totally relate spraying and drying off the shower. In fact, if we shower together he always gets out first so that I can dry the shower off because he knows it would bug me if he got out last because he doesn't do it LoL
ReplyDeleteHmm, I would have to say very little of this is true for my hubby also. He does leave his clothes in a pile and wet towel on the bedroom floor, but picks them up afterwards.
Hugs,
Roz
I'm very glad for my OCD husband, at least the majority of the time. Sometimes he makes me crazy. lol
DeleteVery, very funny. Not true of me, but hilarious description.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's true of most "husbands" but it is funny. I chuckle just thinking about the "woowooo"
Deletefunny, but probably not to those who are living it.
ReplyDeletehugs abby
I'm sure not although I can't imagine any adult attached man being that inconsiderate.
DeleteThis is funny!!! Not entirely true of either one of us, but funny nonetheless.
ReplyDeleteYeah, it is funny and thank the Lord it's not entirely true of anyone.
DeleteWe are such a contrast. He is ANAL about the hair going down the drain since we have bad plumbing. I ignore that until it gets bad...ahem.
ReplyDeleteThey certainly do not use all the age defying and pretty smelling things we do!
Hubby is anal about hair in the drain too.
DeleteNo but hubby has his routines too.
I've read this before and I think it's hilarious! Luckily we have our own showers so there is no fighting, but I carefully clean my shower every time I use it, and Starman just lets his dry regardless of water spots on the glass door. Also, my shower is packed with different types of hair products, and sweet smelling showergels, whilst I think he just uses one particular brand of shampoo and soap. We have hot towel rails so we always put our towels on them and they are always warm and dry, even in summer, because they are gravity fed. I loathe cleaning out the drain, and am rather too liberal with the bleach. Starman is hairy all over, so the hairs on the soap could just as well be leg hairs as hairs from elsewhere! He always pulls my leg because I use the ensuite shower, and the bathbrush hangs on a hook outside the door of the shower cubicle. He says no one could use it unless they were an orangutan! Strangely, it is never used for the purpose of washing backs!
ReplyDeleteHugs
Ami
Maybe you should reposition the bathbrush. lol
DeleteIt is pretty funny. I hate cleaning wet hair out of drain too. It is so icky.
LOL Sunny, but Brice is the OCD one also. It was a good laugh though;)
ReplyDeleteIt is a good laugh.
DeleteNick takes the shortest showers on record (if we're not together) I've often said he's out before the first drop makes it to the floor. I like the good smelling soaps, but thats where the similarities stop for me. I'm much more likely to flash him on the way to my shower that the other way around.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
PK
I laughed at your description of Nick's shower. That's funny. Me, I always like to go last so I can drain the hot water tank. I'm much more likely to be a flasher too.
DeleteWhen he takes his shower...I am usually still in bed...and while I am taking my shower he is drinking his morning coffee or leaving for work... I would say most is untrue for both of us...but funny all the same :-)
ReplyDelete