Is DD about respect and/or submission? I was thinking about this yesterday. It’s funny but several blogs over the last few days dealt with submission. Must be in the stars. Anyway I know my husband and I respect each other. I trust him implicitly – it is a trust that has been earned over our many years together and will not be thrust away. My husband does not demand nor does he expect to always receive my submission any more than I expect to always receive his. This works for us.
I really like the term give in or defer more than submit. It’s softer and to me denotes more of a willingness while the other more of a demand. Semantics.
The more I read the more confused I am. To me marriage is an equal partnership. Each partner brings strengths and weaknesses to the relationship. If there is mutual respect I see no need for rules and regulations. I’ve become more acquiescent as I’ve gotten older but I never accept any restriction willingly. Maybe it’s because I came of age in the 60’s when women fought to take their place in society side by side with the male species or maybe it’s because I saw my mother lose her identity day by day to a dominating, opinionated man. I like my husband's dominance in the bedroom but complete subservience is not granted there either. I like being spanked but not for discipline. It is a conundrum. Whatever the reason, I will not grant full unquestioning submission to any man or woman. God is the only one to whom I owe my total subservience.
I am blessed in that I live in a place that allows me choices because not every coat fits everybody. Now that I have aimlessly rambled on for way too long, I am still confused and will just add it to the list of things that escape me.
Enough for today. See you later. Make it a great day.
Sunnygirl,
ReplyDeleteI'm with you on this one, I feel like I could have almost written this one myself. Sometimes I really, really enjoy falling into the illusions of submission, for me it's a fantasy I enjoy. But as we live our day to day life, neither of us want that. I think a whole lot has to do with our age and length of our marriages. I sometimes worry about young women reading the blogs who have the spanko gene or a fantasy of submission and try to act on it with a man who is not worthy of that kind of trust.
Hugs,
PK
Sunnygirl,
ReplyDeleteI can completely understand how the word "submit" resonates uncomfortably for you. I have the same feeling about "dominate"... it has far too dictatorial a connotation. So much of the aura around a word is dependent on the surrounding culture... and both "dominance" and "submission" really get bad raps. I much prefer "leadership".
I'd also like to let you know how much I appreciate your comments on my wife's blog (Susie at Her Mischief Managed).
Hey, my husband has been here! Startled me. Yes, it is semantics in so many ways. He has at times used the word cooperate instead of submit. I think those who practice Dd would mostly agree that submission is a gift which a woman gives to her spouse. It is not taken or demanded. Therefore, in the dynamic that I have with my husband, I can obey without submitting. Subservience doesn't play any part at all and mutual respect is huge for us.
ReplyDeleteWords! They are tricky. I suppose we each figure out what they mean to us. I can sometimes become confused when I read blogs as well because we are defining the words differently.
PK: I think you are correct about our "level of maturity" (my eye doctor uses that instead of saying old) and the length of our marriages affects our perspective.
ReplyDeleteMM: I like your words better too.
Susie: You are right. It is all about perception isn't it. We are lucky to be able to choose because we all have different wants and needs.
Sunnygirl, I appreciate the thoughts. As you know, Lynda and I have a relationship where I lead and she follows. It's what we need. Each of us have equal worth, but different roles.
ReplyDeleteBut I'm not interested in making recruits. Only to have good dialogues like this.
Mick: Like I said in the post, not every coat fits everybody. Everyone has to figure out what works best for them. I was just airing out some cobwebs - there's still more up there so any clarifcation of cleansing process is a good thing. Thanks
ReplyDeleteSunnygirl, I'm with Mick..I'm never recruiting. I'd make a pretty lousy recruiter for complete submission I bet. I like the word "defer" and we also use "comply" and "work as a team". For us, he leads and I follow but we are equal in worth but not in responsibility. He bears that, and me taking a more submissive role and he a more dominant one makes his job leading our family smoother. A clear code of conduct and chain of command pave the way for the difficult day to day decisions a family faces, that come down to the head of household.
ReplyDeleteI enjoy your perspective and I'm always up for lively dialogue and different points of view.
Stormy
Stormy: First let me say I am honored you took part of your online time to post a comment on my "nothing" blog. Your blog has been a must read for me since finding this whole new world.
ReplyDeleteI didn't mean to "stir the pot" but the comments I have received have helped to answer some of my questions. Thank you for your thoughts.
Everyone doing the best they can to be the best they can be for themselves and their families is the ultimate goal isn't it?
Submit, comply, defer or dominate whatever you use. Each one of us is different and you have to find what works best for you. I think PK's right for some of us it has a lot to do with age and lengh of marriage.
ReplyDeleteGood post SG and your blog is not a "nothing" one. I enjoy stopping here.
Love,
Ronnie
xx
Ronnie: Thanks for stopping by.
ReplyDeleteI am a lurker. I often post as anonymous at Kitty's blog - SweetSurrender-.
ReplyDeleteI deeply enjoy your blogs, being vanilla and sharing your viewpoint more than hers, but finding hers very interesting and pleasurable too. But the way you look at life seems very similar to mine . Thanks for the nice posts I can read here.
Anon: Thanks for stopping by. You are welcome any time.
ReplyDelete